AS READERS ARE MOST CERTAINLY AWARE, THE PARALYMPICS GAMES ARE HELD TO PERMIT OTHERWISE IMPAIRED ATHLETES TO COMPETE ON THE WORLD STAGE.
MEDINA COUNTY SHERIFF’S MAJOR (F@@KUP) “LYING” PINOCCHIO CENTNER(D) IS PACKING HIS BAGS AND PREPARING FOR FOREIGN TRAVEL TO SOUTH KOREA TO PARTICIPATE IN THE PARALYMPICS GAMES.
CENTNER(D)’S MATCHING LUGGAGE, SHOWN BELOW, IS PACKED AND READY TO BE CHECKED AT HOPKINS AIRPORT.
AS FOR HIS QUALIFICATIONS, THOSE ARE OBVIOUS TO ALL WHO HAVE VIEWED "LYING" PINOCCHIO CENTNER(D)'S “PRESS CONFERENCE” ANNOUNCING THE RESULTS OF THE SHERIFF’S OFFICE NON-INVESTIGATION AND COVER UP OF THE OBVIOUS HOMICIDE OF LAFAYETTE TOWNSHIP TRUSTEE BRYON MACRON. “LYING” CENTNER’S IMPAIRMENTS ARE CLEARLY RECOGNIZABLE TO EVEN THE MOST CASUAL OBSERVER.
AFTER MUCH DELIBERATION, "LYING" PINOCCHIO CENTNER(D) HAS MADE THE DECISION TO GO ALL IN AND GO FOR THE GOLD. CENTNER(D) HAS, FOR THE PAST 6 MONTHS COMMITTED TO A STRICT TRAINING REGIMEN IN THE MEDINA COUNTY PARK DISTRICT WHERE HE WAS FORMERLY EMPLOYED AS A PARK RANGER AND WHERE HE KNOWS EVERY TREE BY NAME!
PICTURED. BELOW IS SHERIFF’S MAJOR (F@@KUP) “LYING” PINOCCHIO CENTNER(D) IN TRAINING - HUGGING A TREE ON MEDINA'S PUBLIC SQUARE IN FULL PARALYMPICS REGALIA, TO GIN UP LOCAL SUPPORT FOR HIS ENTRY INTO THE PARALYMPICS GAMES HIGH-ALTITUDE EVENT, ALPINE TREE HUGGING!
THERE IS SOME CONCERN THAT CENTNER(D) MAY SUCCUMB TO ALTITUDE SICKNESS DURING THE EVENT. CENTNER(D), AN ACCOMPLISHED BOTTOM FEEDER, IS ACCUSTOMED TO PERFORMING AT OR BELOW SEA LEVEL.
CENTNER(D) APPEARS, HOWEVER, TO BE RATHER SUPERSTITIOUS! JUST FOR GOOD LUCK, HE HAS DECIDED TO BRING WITH HIM TO SOUTH KOREA TRACY, HIS PET RAT, PICTURED BELOW.
AS A PRECAUTION, CENTNER(D) HAS TAKEN OUT MAXIMUM TRAVELER'S INSURANCE FOR TRACY, WHOM HE NAMED FOR THE LEAD DEFECTIVE OF THE NON-INVESTIGATION AND COVER UP OF THE MURDER OF BRYON MACRON, MEDINA COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPUTY DICKLESS TRACY.
CENTNER(D) WAS ADVISED BY THE U.S. STATE DEPARTMENT TO TAKE OUT THE ADDITIONAL INSURANCE ON TRACY IN THE EVENT THAT A KOREAN CHEF MIGHT BE LOOKING TO PREPARE A TASTY MORSEL FOR THE SISTER OF NORTH KOREA'S SUPREME LEADER KIM JUNG IL WHO IS EXPECTED TO ATTEND THE PARALYMPICS GAMES.
WHILE THE OUTCOME OF THE ALPINE TREE HUGGING EVENT REMAINS IN QUESTION, THE GENERAL CONSENSUS IS THAT CENTNER(D) HAS A REALLY GOOD SHOT IN THE SUMMER PARALYMPICS GAMES.
CENTNER(D) IS AN ODDS-ON FAVORITE TO REACH THE PODIUM NEXT SUMMER IN TWO EVENTS: BLINDFOLDED BEAN COUNTING AND THE PREMIER EVENT AT THE SUMMER GAMES, THE BULLSHIT THROW!
