"WEASELPECKER" COLLIER NEVER LEAVES HOME WITHOUT 'EM !

RUMORS HAVE IT THAT "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER HAS DECIDED TO SAVE LUNCH MONEY BY BROWN BAGGING ON MOST DAYS.  IT IS REPORTED, HOWEVER, THAT ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK "WEASELPECKER'S" COURT REPORTER (WITH BENEFITS) DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY HAS BEEN TREATING "WEASELPECKER" TO LUNCH AT THE "Y."

IN ONE MEASURE TO APPEAR "NORMAL" ON THE BENCH, "WEASELPECKER" HAS TAKEN TO FLOSSING AFTER EACH LUNCHEON "MEATING" WITH "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY, HIS COURT REPORTER (WITH BENEFITS).

"WEASELPECKER" USES ONLY THE FINEST DENTAL FLOSS ON THE MARKET, TRIPLE DUTY DENTAL FLOSS, WHICH COMES IN A HANDY, POCKET-SIZED FOUR PACK, PICTURED BELOW.

TRIPLE DUTY DENTAL FLOSS IS THE FINEST PRODUCT MONEY CAN BUY.  IN FACT, "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER USES IT ALL THREE WAYS, AS DESIGNED.

FIRSTLY, "WEASELPECKER" USES THE FLOSSING END TO REMOVE THOSE STUBBORN CURLY-CUES FROM BETWEEN HIS TEETH.  "WEASELPECKER" SWEARS BY THIS PRODUCT FOR THAT PURPOSE ALONE.

"WEASELPECKER" ALSO FINDS IT QUITE EFFICACIOUS IN ELIMINATING THE RESIDUE AND AFTERTASTE FROM CHEWING HIS FAVORITE BRAND OF TROPICAL FLAVORED BUBBLLE GUM, SHOWN BELOW:

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SECONDLY, IN THE EVENT OF A NOSEBLEED, 'WEASELPECKER" TRIMS OFF THE FLOSS AND INSERTS THE SOFT, ABSORBENT HANDLE INTO ONE OR BOTH NOSTRILS, MUCH LIKE A PLUG, TO ABSORB ANY BLOODY DISCHARGE THAT MIGHT OTHERWISE  DRIBBLE OFF HIS CHIN.

LASTLY, "WEASELPECKER" FINDS THIS PRODUCT TO BE A VERY EFFECTIVE REMEDY FOR THOSE OCCASIONAL THROBBING HEADACHES.

WHEN USING TRIPLE DUTY DENTAL FLOSS TO ABATE A POUNDING HEADACHE, "WEASELPECKER" TRIMS OF THE FLOSSING MATERIAL, LEAVING ONLY THE HANDLE.  HIS COURT REPORTER (WITH BENEFITS) DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY THEN DEPOSITS A HEALTHY DOSE OF PREPARATION H TO THE HANDLE. THEN, USING THE HANDLE, SHE PAINLESSLY APPLIES THE PREPARATION H TO HIS THROBBING BRAIN CELLS LOCATED SQUARELY IN HIS HEMORRHOIDS.  PRESTO!  WITHIN MINUTES HIS HEADACHE IS GONE!

TRIPLE DUTY DENTAL FLOSS. "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER NEVER LEAVES HOME WITHOUT 'EM!