"WEASELPECKER" COLLIER EXPECTED TO LAND THE LEAD ROLE AS DILDO BAGGINS IN UPCOMING SPRINGTIME PRODUCTION OF "THE BOBBITT"

THE MEDINA PLAYERS, A GROUP OF THESPIANS FORMED FROM THE MEMBERSHIP OF THE MEDINA COUNTY BAR & PICKPOCKET ASSN., HAVE RECENTLY FLOATED A TRIAL BALLOON.

MANY MEMBERS OF THE MEDINA COUNTY BAR & PICKPOCKET ASSN. APPEAR TO BE INORDINATELY FOND OF BILBO BAGGINS, THE PROTAGONIST IN J.R. TOLKIEN'S THE HOBBIT.

WHILE THERE WAS A CONSENSUS THAT THE MEDINA PLAYERS WOULD HAVE LIKED TO PRESENT A PRODUCTION OF THE HOBBIT, COPYRIGHT LAWS PREVENT SUCH A PRODUCTION.

ACCORDINGLY, CREATIVE DIRECTOR "ROSEY PALM"QUIST FROM THE MEDINA COUNTY BAR & PICKPOCKET ASSN. HAS SUGGESTED THAT THE PLAYERS PRESENT A PARODY OF  THE HOBBIT, ENTITLED THE BOBBITT.

GIVEN HIS PRIOR STRONG PERFORMANCE IN THE ROLE OF FELLATIO HORNBLOWER, IT WAS ONLY NATURAL THAT PHILANDERING ILLEGITIMATE MEDINA "JUDGE  WEASELPECKER" COLLIER WAS LIKELY TO ONCE AGAIN LAND THE LEAD ROLE, THIS TIME ACTING IN CHARACTER AS DILDO BAGGINS,  A CHEESE-EATING RAT BASTARD AND THE PROTAGONIST IN THE BOBBITT.

DILDO'S LOVE INTEREST, BIMBO BAGGINS, IS EXPECTED TO BE PLAYED BY DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY, "WEASELPECKER'S" REAL LIFE "OFFICIAL" COURT REPORTER (WITH BENEFITS), CONSORT, PARAMOUR, MISTRESS, AND MAIN SQUEEZE.

WITHOUT GIVING AWAY THE PLOT LINE OR THE CONCLUSION, IN ONE EXPLOSIVE SCENE, DILDO WAS SEATED ACROSS THE KITCHEN TABLE FROM BIMBO.  SUDDENLY AND WITHOUT EXPLANATION, DILDO CUT THE CHEESE!

DILDO, IN HIS TYPICAL CARELESS FASHION, CUT THE CHEESE SITTING ATOP A PRIOR PRECIOUS GIFT FROM HIS BIMBO, AN ORIGINAL AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF SPELLIN' FOR DUMMIES.

BIMBO BECAME INSTANTLY ENRAGED AT DILDO'S INGRATITUDE, REACHED FOR THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR, AND GRABBED THE FIRST THING HANGING THERE, TEARING DILDO'S LAW SCHOOL DIPLOMA ASUNDER.

DILDO, NOW INFURIATED BY BIMBO'S INSOLENCE, LIKEWISE REACHED FOR THE NEAREST OBJECT AVAILABLE TO HIM, IN THIS INSTANCE HIS SALAD PLATE, GARNISHED WITH HIS FAVORITE IMPORTED SEAFOOD, AND THREW IT AT HIS BIMBO.

NOW IT WAS ON!  BIMBO REACHED FOR A LIGHT SABER AND LUNGED AT DILDO'S "JOHNSON."

READERS WILL JUST HAVE TO ATTEND THE SPRINGTIME PRESENTATION OF THE BOBBITT, SPONSORED BY THE MEDINA COUNTY BAR & PICKPOCKET ASSN., TO SEE HOW THIS DILDO DEALS WITH HARDSHIP WHEN THIS BIMBO PRESENTS HIM WITH HIS PRECIOUS "FAMILY JEWELS"ON A PLATTER!