MEDINA POLICE: "BUBBLE GUM IS A GATEWAY DRUG; LEADS TO HEROIN ADDICTION."

As regular readers of this blog well know, the blogger is not particularly a fan of the Medina Gassette, the oracle of the Medina County Chamber of Commerce that determines all the news that is fit to print is only feel-good fluff promulgated by the Medina County politicians.

However, following a conversation with a local citizen, the blogger was directed to a recent online article published by the Gassette on July 15.  Here's the headline:

MEDINA POLICE TO COMBAT DRUGS BY CRACKING DOWN ON LOITERERS, LITTERERS

After reading the article, the blogger is convinced that Medina Police may very well have hit upon an ingenious scheme.  After all, the local children loitering on school grounds after school, littering the playground with bubble gum wrappers, are certainly destined to become the heroin addicts and drug abusers of the future.

The blogger draws the reasonable inference, after reading the article, that Medina Police have determined that bubble gum is a gateway drug that ultimately leads to heroin addiction.

There is an obvious and inevitable progression from bubble gum to marijuana on the drug abuse continuum.

The current Medina Police initiative will permit police to arrest all of those pint-sized litterers, obtain samples of their DNA, which they can store in a special Bubble Gum Abuser database.

Bubble Gum abusers will appear before LAPDOG COLLIER who can sentence them to  supervision in the Bubble Gum Division of his Drug Court.

Then, in  the future, when all of these bubble gum abusers get the munchies after they graduate to the inevitable abuse of marijuana, police can gather all of the littered Snickers wrappers and, through DNA analysis, quickly identify the culprits.

Perhaps Medina County can eliminate drug abuse by simply criminalizing the sale and possession of bubble gum.  Now there's an idea whose time has come!