AS WE TURNED THE PAGE ON A NEW YEAR, THE OHIO GENERAL ASSEMBLY SAW FIT TO RELEASE HIGHLIGHTS OF ITS MAJOR LEGISLATIVE ACCOMPLISHMENTS FOR CALENDAR YEAR 2016. AT THE TOP OF THE LIST WAS NEWLY ENACTED LEGISLATION BANNING FREE RANGE CHICKENS.
THE BLOGGER IS ELATED TO KNOW THAT TAXPAYERS IN OHIO HAVE SENT THEIR ELECTED "REPRESENTATIVES" TO COLUMBUS TO DEAL WITH FREE RANGE CHICKENS, AN ISSUE WHICH HAS BEEN IGNORED FOR FAR TOO LONG!
DO FREE RANGE CHICKENS POSE A PUBLIC SAFETY HAZARD?
TO BE SURE, OHIO'S LEGISLATORS MUST BE CONCERNED THAT FREE RANGE CHICKENS MUST POSE A PUBLIC HEALTH AND SAFETY HAZARD TO THE CITIZENS OF THE STATE OF OHIO. WHY ELSE WOULD THEY HAVE TAKEN SUCH A FIRM STAND ON THE ISSUE OF FREE RANGE CHICKENS?
PERHAPS THEY HAVE BEEN OVERWHELMED BY ALL OF THOSE FREE RANGE CHICKENS WANDERING AROUND AND WITHIN THE STATEHOUSE IN COLUMBUS?
ARE LEGISLATORS TRYING TO BOOST OHIO'S BEEF AND PORK INDUSTRIES?
PERHAPS STATE LEGISLATORS ARE SIMPLY TRYING TO BOOST OHIO'S BEEF AND PORK INDUSTRY, AS IF THERE WASN'T ALREADY ENOUGH PORK IN THE STATE'S BUDGET.
THE INITIATIVE TO BAN FREE RANGE CHICKENS MAY BE A RESPONSE TO ALL OF THOSE CHICK-FIL-A BILLBOARDS LINING OHIO'S HIGHWAYS AND BYWAYS URGING DRIVERS TO "EAT MORE CHICKEN."
ENFORCEMENT OF THE BAN ON FREE RANGE CHICKENS, KNOWN AS THE CHICKENSHIT ACT, WILL BE A BOON TO THE MEDINA COUNTY "JUSTUS" SYSTEM.
THE ENFORCEMENT INITIATIVE OF THE STATE MANDATED CHICKENSHIT ACT BEGINS AT GROUND LEVEL WITH THE MEDINA COUNTY SHERIFF'S OFFICE. THE SHERIFF WILL HAVE TO FORM A CHICKENSHIT SQUAD. THERE ARE MANY QUALIFIED CANDIDATES AMONG SHERIFF'S DEPUTIES, WITH DEPUTiES DOUGLAS CLINAGE AND FRANK TELATKO VYING FOR LEADERSHIP POSITIONS ON THE SHERIFF'S CHICKENSHIT SQUAD SINCE NEITHER OF THEM REALLY KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THE LAW AND THE CONCEPT OF PROBABLE CAUSE.
MEMBERS OF THE CHICKENSHIT SQUAD WILL BE REQUIRED TO WORK "UNDERCOVER" IN APPROPRIATE DISGUISE, SHOWN BELOW:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wc4FuQdpXNA
SHERIFF'S DEPUTIES ASSIGNED TO THE MEDINA COUNTY CHICKENSHIT SQUAD WILL BE REQUIRED TO PROWL THE ROADS AND STREETS OF MEDINA COUNTY, WORKING "UNDERCOVER." MEMBERS OF THE CHICKENSHIT SQUAD WILL SNATCH UP ANY FREE RANGE CHICKENS AND GATHER UP ANY SUPPORTING "EVIDENCE," SPECIFICALLY CHICKEN DROPPINGS, FOR DNA ANALYSIS.
OFFENDING FREE RANGE CHICKENS WILL BE HELD IN QUARANTINE AT POPEYE'S CHICKEN RESTAURANT, LOCATED AT THE INTERSECTION OF LAKE RD. AND ROUTE 224.
WHEN DNA ANALYSIS IS COMPLETED AND MEMBERS OF THE CHICKENSHIT SQUAD HAVE PREPARED THEIR TYPICALLY WOEFULLY INADEQUATE "INVESTIGATIVE" REPORTS, THE CASES WILL BE PRESENTED TO THE MEDINA COUNTY GRAND JURY, WHICH IS EXPECTED TO RUBBER-STAMP INDICTMENTS WITHOUT ANY FOUNDATION IN FACT AND SUPPORTING EVIDENCE.
LIKE ALL SUCH PROSCRIPTIONS UNDER LAW, THE CHICKENSHIT ACT OPENS THE DOOR TO OTHER CRIMINAL ACTIVITIES, IN THIS CASE ILLEGAL GAMBLING IN THE FORM OF CHICKENSHIT BINGO.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Xghebqshq1o
PHILANDERING ILLEGITIMATE "jUDGE WEASELPECKER" COLLIER DESIGNATED CHICKENSHIT JUDGE OF THE MEDINA COUNTY CHICKENSHIT COURT OF COMMON PLEAS
THE NUMBER OF CHICKENSHIT CASES HEARD BY PHILANDERING ILLEGITIMATE "jUDGE WEASELPECKER" COLLIER IS EXPECTED TO INCREASE DRAMATICALLY. THE LEVEL OF LEGAL INTRICACY INVOLVED IN DECIDING THESE CHICKENSHIT CASES (NONE AT ALL) REQUIRES A LEVEL OF EXPERTISE (NO BRAINS) WHICH UNIQUELY QUALIFIES "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER TO FIND EACH AND EVERY FREE RANGE CHICKEN "GUILTY," NO MATTER THE DEARTH OF "EVIDENCE," A USUAL AND CUSTOMARY OUTCOME IN "WEASELPECKER"S" KANGAROO COURTROOM #1.
A LOCAL MUSICIAN HAS WRITTEN AND RECORDED A SPIRITUAL SONG IN TRIBUTE TO "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER, THE OFFICIALLY DESIGNATED CHICKENSHIT JUDGE #1 OF MEDINA COUNTY.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_NTTO6lAwuU
BASED UPON ALL OF THESE AND OTHER FACTORS, PHILANDERING ILLEGITIMATE "jUDGE WEASELPECKER" COLLIER HAS BEEN DESIGNATED AS CHICKENSHIT JUDGE #1, BY POPULAR ACCLAIM!
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