"WEASELPECKER'S" BIRTH (SPAWN?) DAY IS EASILY DISCOVERABLE FROM THE TRAFFIC CITATION THAT THIS "HOLIER-THAN-THOU" BOOB RECEIVED IN THE CITY OF CLEVELAND, SHOWN BELOW:
SO, WE HAVE ESTABLISHED "WEASELPECKER'S) DATE OF BIRTH (SPAWN?) FROM THE CRIMINAL DOCKET, FOUND AT THE WEBSITE OF THE CLERK OF THE CLEVELAND MUNICIPAL COURT, IS NOVEMBER 14, 1954.
WE ALSO KNOW THAT, IN 2008, "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER aka PUBLIUS. aka PUBLIUS2003, CELEBRATED HIS BIRTH (SPAWN?) DAY WITH AN ILLICIT TRYST WITH HIS PARAMOUR, MISTRESS, MAIN SQUEEZE, AND COURT REPORTER, DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY, DEMONSTRATED BELOW:
ONCE HE GOT TO THE HOTEL WITH GARRITY, YOU CAN BE SURE THAT "WEASELPECKER" SLIPPED OFF HIS SHOES AND SLIPPED INTO ONE OF THE GIFTS THAT GARRITY GAVE HIM, A PRIZED PAIR OF LUXURIOUS PREMIUM RAT SLIPPERS, SHOWN BELOW, AND COZIED UP TO GARRITY FOR A LITTLE CREAM PIE.
THAT, OF COURSE, IS JUST A PART OF THE HISTORY OF "WEASELPECKER'S" LONGSTANDING, SORDID SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH GARRITY.
NOW TO THE PRESENT DAY, CORRUPT MEDINA COUNTY PROSECUTOR DINO HOE-MAN (WITH EMPHASIS ON "HOE") DECIDED TO GIVE "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER A GIFT WITH A DECIDEDLY POINTED MESSAGE:
HOE-MAN IS NOT PARTICULARLY PLEASED THAT "WEASELPECKER'S" UNRESTRAINED AND LIBERAL USAGE OF HIS "JOHNSON" HAS BROUGHT ALL OF THIS ATTENTION AND HEAT, DIRECTLY AND INDIRECTLY, UPON "GODFATHER" HOE-MAN AND HIS CRIME SYNDICATE, THE MEDINA MOB. HEAT THAT IS NOT GOING AWAY!
READERS CAN SEE THAT DINO HOE-MAN HAS SPARED NO EXPENSE IN GIFTING "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER A TRIPLE TREAT - A SET OF THREE FASHIONABLE CHASTITY BELTS THAT COME WITH PLASTIC LOCKS SO THAT "WEASELPECKER" CAN PASS THROUGH AIRPORT SECURITY WITHOUT "ALARM" AS HE FLIES OFF INTO THE WILD BLUE YONDER WITH HIS PARAMOUR, MISTRESS, MAIN SQUEEZE, AND COURT REPORTER DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY, FOR ONE OF HIS WILD WEEKEND TRYSTS WHILE HIS WIFE AND TEEN-AGED DAUGHTER ARE TUCKED SAFELY AWAY AT HOME IN MEDINA.
GIVEN THE FACT THAT CHASTITY IS CLEARLY NOT ONE OF "WEASELPECKER'S" VIRTUES, THE READER MAY PAUSE TO WONDER WHETHER "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER WOULD EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE THESE MATCHING CHASTITY BELTS.
WELL, READERS SHOULD WONDER NO LONGER SINCE "WEASELPECKER'S" SET OF THREE FASHIONABLE CHASTITY BELTS COMES WITH A FULL SET OF INSTRUCTIONS.
SOME OF THE INSTRUCTIONS INCLUDE:
Lubricate the head and shaft of penis with a silicon based lubricant. (We highly recomend Eros Bodyglide) Put the product on while in a completely relaxed state. [Note: silicon caulk will work in a pinch].
Locking Pins: Insert the locking pin in the recessed side of the rings.
Spacers: The spacers are designed in such a way that each spacer fits a particular locking pin.
CAGE: Insert the penis into the cage. Push the penis down in order to avoid pinching when connecting the cage to the ring.
Padlock: After assembling the ring, guide pins, locking pin and spacers to the cage, attach the brass padlock. Make sure to have a diligent Keyholder! [Note: all keys will be stored in Hoe-Man's office safe, about as diligent as you can get under these circumstances].
Cleaning Product: Use a mild soap and soft type brush (toothbrush) for cleaning. Do Not use household cleaning products. [Note: preferable to clean the device after brushing teeth; a protective haz-mat suit is also recommended during cleaning].
IF THIS WORKS OUT WELL FOR "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER, HOE-MAN IS CONSIDERING PURCHASING ANOTHER MATCHING SET FOR COUNTY AUDITOR MIKE "THE PERV" KOVACK, ANOTHER TRUSTED MEMBER OF HOE-MAN'S CRIME SYNDICATE, THE MEDINA MOB.
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