MEDINA TERROR CELL ON ALERT !

In the national news lately, major media reports that the terror group Al-SHABAAB is threatening terror attacks at shopping malls located in the U.S.

The local domestic terror cell, known to investigators as SHISH-KABOB, is reported to have placed all members of the local terror cell on alert and are prepared to implement contingecy plans in the event of an unprovoked attack at the South Park Mall, located perilously close to Medina County.

SHISH-KABOB IMAM DINO HOEMAN has convened an emergency meeting of all the domestic terrorists belonging to the SISH-KABOB cell at the undeground offices of the Medina County Bar & Pickpocket Association.  At the outset of the gathering, one of the local domestic terrorists suggested a name change from SHISH-KABOB to SHISH-KABOOB.

That suggestion was roundly criticized and tabled after IMAM HOEMAN remarked that a name change to include the word "BOOB" was certain to call attention to CO-IMAM LAPDOG COLLIER who has developed a reputation for being the biggest BOOB in the whole of Medina County.

IMAM HOEMAN divided cell members into two groups of responders to any attack at the South Park Mall.  Once the smoke has cleared and the threat neutralized, one group will proceed directly to the mall, identify all deceased victims, and gather information pertaining to the next of kin for future lawsuits.

The second group will split into two groups, responding to Southwest and Medina hospitals emergency rooms to secure retainer agreements from injured survivors, also for future lawsuits.

IMAM LAPDOG COLLIER has also taken countermeasures. IMAM LAPDOG has issued another of his infamous "orders" barring his MISTRESS AND MAIN SQUEEZE DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY from visiting any Victoria's Secret stores located in any shopping malls.  LAPDOG COLLIER simply trembled at the thought of "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY scampering about his chambers in some of those skimpy see-thru numbers with bullet holes in them on "casual" Fridays at the Medina County Courthouse,  Mosque & Railroad Station.

It would appear that the local members of SHISH-KABOB are well prepared to meet the challenges of an attack by a rival terrorist group.