"WEASELPECKER" COLLIER PROMISES VOTERS HE WILL LEARN TO SPELL

THE COMMITTEE TO RE-ELECT ILLEGITIMATE MEDINA COUNTY "jUDGE WEASELPECKER" COLLIER, CHAIRED BY HIS PARAMOUR, MISTRESS, MAIN SQUEEZE, AND COURT REPORTER (WITH BENEFITS) DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY, HAS JUST RELEASED IT'S LATEST CAMPAIGN PLEDGE, WHICH "WEASELPECKER" IN NO WAY INTENDS TO FULFILL.  THIS IS JUST ONE MORE EMPTY PROMISE FROM A LOW-RENT, THIRD-RATE, BOTTOM-FEEDING LOCAL "ATTORNEY" WHO WISHES TO CONTINUE TO SUCK OFF THE PUBLIC TEAT.

IN THIS LATEST CAMPAIGN "PLEDGE," COLLIER PROMISES VOTERS HE WILL LEARN TO SPELL AFTER BRAGGING THAT THE HIGHLIGHT OF HIS EDUCATION WAS THAT HE MAINTAINED A SOLID "C" AVERAGE THROUGHOUT.  QUITE AN ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR AN INTELLECTUALLY CHALLENGED LAME-BRAIN LIKE COLLIER.

HERE, THEN, IS "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER'S LATEST CAMPAIGN "PLEDGE" TO MEDINA COUNTY VOTERS:

I PLEDGE THAT, IF RE-ELECTED, I WILL LEARN HOW TO SPELL!  I KNOW I HAVE PROBLEMS WITH SPELLING SUCH COMMONLY USED WORDS LIKE "LETTICE" (PROPERLY SPELLED "LETTUCE), "PREVERBIAL" (PROPERLY SPELLED "PROVERBIAL") AND "LEPERCHAUN" (PROPERLY SPELLED "LEPRECHAUN") AMONG A WHOLE HOST OF OTHER CHALLENGING WORDS.  I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT "LEPERCHAUNS" WERE SPRITES WHO LIVED IN LEPER COLONIES.  WHO KNEW?  I PROMISE TO SPEND AS MUCH OF MY SPARE TIME (WHEN I AM NOT BOINKING MY COURT REPORTER WITH BENEFITS) STUDYING THE CURRENT EDITION OF SPELLING FOR DUMMIES TO ACCOMPLISH THE GOAL.  WITH YOUR CONFIDENCE AND SUPPORT, I BELIEVE THAT I CAN FINISH IN THE TOP 25 IN THE ANNUAL GREAT MEDINA SPELLING BEA.