SPOILER ALERT: "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER HAS MAJOR HEALTH SCARE

REPORTS HAVE REACHED THE BLOGGER THAT "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER HAS RECENTLY EXPERIENCED A HEALTH SCARE OF MONUMENTAL PROPORTIONS.

RECENT MEDIA REPORTS THAT ACTRESS GWYNETH PALTROW, AN APPARENT SELF-APPOINTED GURU OF WOMEN'S HEALTH, HAS PUBLICLY ADVOCATED THE PLACEMENT OF JADE EGGS IN WOMEN'S VAGINAS.

WELL, A CALIFORNIA GYNECOLOGIST HAS TAKEN GREAT EXCEPTION TO PALTROW'S ENDORSEMENT OF THE JADE EGGS, WHICH ARE SAID TO BE SELLING FASTER THAN HOTCAKES.

Dr. Jen Gunter, an OB/GYN for Kaiser Permanente in San Francisco, called the idea “the biggest load of garbage” she's read on Goop since vaginal steaming and worse than saying wearing bras is linked to cancer.

A COMPLETE ARTICLE PERTAINING TO THIS MATTER CAN BE FOUND AT https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2017/01/22/no-gwyneth-paltrow-women-should-not-put-jade-eggs-in-their-vaginas-gynecologist-says/?utm_term=.2f405ad32838

BY NOW, READERS SHOULD BE WONDERING, "WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER?"  WELL, HERE'S THE SCOOP!

"WEASELPECKER" COLLIER WAS WAY AHEAD OF THE CURVE ON THIS THEN-EMERGING POPULAR TREND.

IN A FUTILE ATTEMPT TO INCREASE HIS LIMITED ABILITY TO REASON AND IMPROVE DEDUCTIVE CAPACITY OF HIS "BRAIN" (WHAT CAN THIS MORON DO WITH JUST TWO BRAIN CELLS?), "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER HAD LONG AGO TURNED TO THE JADE EGG.

GIVEN HIS GENDER IDENTITY, RATHER THAN INSERTING HIS JADE EGG INTO HIS VAGINA, "WEASELPECKER" INSTEAD INSERTED THE JADE EGG ANALLY!

"WEASELPECKER" WAS QUICK TO REACT TO THE RECENT REVELATIONS BY DR. JEN GUNTER AND IMMEDIATELY CALLED UPON HIS CONSORT, PARAMOUR, MISTRESS, MAINS SQUEEZE, AND COURT REPORTER (WITH BENEFITS) DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY TO REMOVE THE JADE EGG FROM HIS RECTUM.

NOW, IT IS A GIVEN THAT "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER HAS MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES AND IS IN DESPERATE NEED OF MENTAL HEALTH THERAPY AND PSYCHOTROPIC MEDICATIONS.

THERE MAY BE AN ADDED DIMENSION, HOWEVER, TO THE SURLINESS THAT "WEASELPECKER" COLLIER REGULARLY AND ROUTINELY DISPLAYS IN HIS KANGAROO COURTROOM #1.

"WEASELPECKER" HAS BEEN SITTING ON THE BENCH WITH AN EGG UP HIS ASS, HELD FIRMLY IN PLACE WITH HIS RIGHT THUMB!