THE MYSERY OF THE ELUSIVE WOODPECKER DEEPENS !

Regular readers of this blog may recall that the blogger was the first to report that wildlife officers have been alerted to the presumptive presence of an elusive woodpecker in the Medina County Courthouse, Mosque &Railroad Station based upon the discovery of identical pecker tracks on the desks of illegitimate "judge" LAPDOG "PUBLIUS" COLLIER and LAPDOG'S COURT REPORTER, MISTRESS, AND MAIN SQUEEZE DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY.  For further details, readers can consult a prior post at this blog captioned WILDLIFE OFFICERS ON HIGH ALERT ! easily found at http://medinacorruption.blogspot.com/2015/03/wildlife-officers-on-high-alert.html 

UPDATE ON THE ELUSIVE WOODPECKER 

Wildlife officers have been on high alert for sightings of the elusive woodpecker reported to have taken up residence in the Medina County Courthouse, Mosque & Railroad Station since the time that a custodial crew reported finding mysterious pecker tracks on LAPDOG COLLIER'S desk, as well as upon the desk of DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY, whose office is located adjacent to LAPDOG COLLIER'S KANGAROO COURTROOM #1.

A comprehensive search of the Medina County Courthouse, Mosque & Railroad Station failed to identify just where the elusive woodpecker had concealed itself.

Wildlife officers, however, were quick to react to two anonymous tips then thought to lead to the discovery and capture of the elusive woodpecker, presumptively an endangered species (as difficult as that may be to believe).

THE FIRST ANONYMOUS TIP

The first anonymous caller dialed 9-1-1to report that DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY had recently purchased a large bottle of RIPPLE wine at Buehler's Market for the princely sum of $1.29.  The anonymous caller reported that, when checking out, GARRITY said to the cashier, "There is nothing better to cleanse the palate to remove the bitter aftertaste of pecker from your mouth than a tall glass of Ripple."

The caller  recalled that mysterious  pecker tracks had been reported on LAPDOG "PUBLIUS" COLLIER'S desk and put two and two together, prompting to 9-1-1 call to the Medina County Sheriff's Office.

THE SECOND ANONYMOUS TIP

Shortly after the first anonymous tip, a second anonymous caller reported that a large number of pecker tracks could be found within the residence of DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY.

THE "INVESTIGATION"  

Upon receipt of the second anonymous call, in short order after the first, it was time to panic. The sheriff's dispatcher dispatched all available cars to GARRITY'S home, where they closed off the road to all traffic and established a perimeter around the house.

Three sheriff's deputies, armed with automatic assault rifles, "concealed" themselves in the trees surrounding "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY'S home.

Soon after establishing the perimeter, one of the sharp-eyed deputies observed LAPDOG "PUBLIUS" COLLIER enter his auto parked in GARRITY'S driveway.  The radio crackled when the deputy asked, "Where did  he come from?"  Another deputy could be heard on the radio, "Should we stop him?"  The Sergeant in charge of this operation was quick to respond, "NO!  Forget you ever saw him here.  Nothing in your report about that."

As soon as wildlife officers arrived on scene, the sheriff's deputies prepared to assault the GARRITY residence.  No search warrant is necessary in Medina County.  CORRUPT MEDINA COUNTY PROSECUTOR DINO HOEMAN and LAPDOG "PUBLIUS" COLLIER did away with all of those constitutional niceties long ago in Medina County.

Given both of the anonymous tips called into the sheriff's office, sheriff's deputies fully believed that LAPDOG COLLIER and "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY intended to barbeque the elusive woodpecker.

As the sheriff's deputies crept closer to GARRITY'S home, the Sergeant in command spied smoke rising from GARRITY'S barbeque gas grill.  Investigating further in an attempt to determine whether LAPDOG COLLIER and "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY had been barbecuing the elusive woodpecker, the Sergeant placed his hand on the hood of the grill to determine the temperature.  HE SUFFERED THIRD-DEGREE BURNS TO HIS GUN HAND!

When the sheriff's Sergeant let out a HOWL, the other deputies mistook it for the signal to assault and blew through GARRITY'S doors, front and rear.

GARRITY, clad only in a sheer Victoria's Secret negligee, was startled, to say the least.  She retreated into her bedroom and covered herself with one of LAPDOG COLLIER'S long-sleeved dress shirts.

Sheriff's deputies did a quick sweep of the house and discovered a half-empty bottle of Ripple, just as the anonymous caller had said.

Wildlife officers then questioned GARRITY about her activities on that date.  GARRITY firmly denied that she had anything to do with the elusive woodpecker.  One of the sheriff's deputies, convinced of GARRITY'S guilt without any supporting evidence (a daily occurrence in Medina County) asked her cynically, "How was the taste of the pecker?"

GARRITY never budged from her story.  She consistently denied that she had tasted any pecker on that date, but admitted that she and LAPDOG COLLIER had shared the salami shortly before he left.

Deputies conducted a thorough five-minute search of "HAVE IT YOUR" GARRITY'S house and grounds but found no sign of the elusive woodpecker, not even a single feather.

THE MYSTERY OF THE ELUSIVE WOODPECKER GOES ON!