WILDLIFE OFFICERS ON HIGH ALERT !

Wildlife officers have been placed on high alert in Northeast Ohio based upon unusual reports that a heretofore unknown species of Woodpecker(s) have taken up residence in the Medina County Courthouse, Mosque & Railroad Station.

The reported invasion of the Medina County Courthouse, Mosque & Railroad Station has stumped biologists since this species of Woodpecker has rarely. if ever, been seen in climes north of the equator.  In fact, this Woodpecker(s) has not actually been seen in Medina County.

All the excitement has been generated solely by anecdotal evidence.

The story goes that the night cleaning crew unexpectedly came upon a series of pecker tracks in the private chambers of illegitimate Medina Judge LAPDOG "PUBLIUS" COLLIER.  Custodial staff reportedly discovered a strange series of pecker tracks located precisely on LAPDOG COLLIER'S desk.

A thorough search of LAPDOG's chambers found no other evidence of pecker tracks anywhere in the room except for the unexplained pecker tracks found on LAPDOG COLLIER'S desk.

There were no signs of the same or similar pecker tracks in LAPDOG'S KANGAROO COURTROOM #1.

Nevertheless, the unexplained pecker tracks on LAPDOG'S desk prompted a thorough search of the Medina County Courthouse, Mosque & Railroad Station,  from top to bottom.

Strangely, the only other pecker tracks found anywhere else in the building were located in the office of LAPDOG COLLIER'S MISTRESS, MAIN SQUEEZE DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY.

Much like the pecker tracks found in LAPDOG "PUBLIUS" COLLIER'S chambers, the only pecker tracks  found in GARRITY'S office were located squarely on her desk, and apparently nowhere else in the room. To the trained eye, the pecker tracks found on GARRITY'S desk appear to be identical to the pecker tracks found on LAPDOG COLLIER'S desk.  Puzzling, isn't it? 

This is an entirely confounding series of circumstances that defy any reasonable explanation.  To be sure, GARRITY'S office is right outside of LAPDOG COLLIER'S KANGAROO COURTROOM #1, but there is no publicly known access from LAPDOG COLLIER'S chambers to "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY'S adjacent office space.

It is difficult to comprehend how the elusive and unseen Woodpecker was able to conceal itself in the Medina County Courthouse, Mosque & Railroad Station, and yet somehow leave pecker tracks on the desks of both LAPDOG COLLIER and DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY, but nowhere else in the building.

Unless some sharp-eyed ornithologist happens to spy the elusive Woodpecker in or around the Medina County Courthouse, Mosque & Railroad Station, the manner in which the otherwise unexplained pecker tracks came to be deposited upon the desks of LAPDOG "PUBLIUS" COLLIER and DONNA "HAVE IT YOUR WAY" GARRITY will forever remain a mystery.